Earlier today, we quoted Jay Baruchel singing the praises of the Canadian government’s arts funding system, which he hoped to use to bring his gestating slasher pic “Pig” to life. While this writer, who lives north of border, generally agrees with Baruchel’s sentiments, the fact of the matter is most Canadian feature films are frankly not very good. Whether it’s aiming way too obviously for mainstream audiences or falling down a rabbit hole of their own esoteric concepts, the worst of Canadian films often feature the same rotating cast of actors in projects that would never get past the assistant’s assistant’s desk in Hollywood.
Case in point: “Suck.” The sophomore feature by Rob Stefaniuk (“Phil The Alien,” yeah you’ve never heard of it but our Canadian readers probably have) is like a hybrid of “True Blood” and “Hard Core Logo” (which is giving it way too much credit) about a struggling rock band who decide to become vampires to help their careers. Sigh. We’re guessing the out-of-touch decision makers at provincial and federal funding agencies who threw money at this probably felt like they were supporting a really hip movie.
At the very least, the soundtrack does show some promise as it will feature tracks by Lou Reed, The Rolling Stones, David Bowie and music from some of the film’s stars — Stefaniuk managed to round up the likes of Iggy Pop, Henry Rollins, Moby and Alex Lifeon to appear in this. Malcolm McDowell, who has no quality barometer anyway is in it as wekk, with Kids In The Hall alum Dave Foley, who will appear in anything.
And if you think we’re being too harsh on the movie, just watch the trailer below: