Let me be the first to congratulate you all.
Finally, after all these years of Hollywood titans doing nothing but good, nice things to those who surround them, we have been deemed collectively worthy of a movie with the thought-provoking, yet completely asinine title “The Hurricane Heist.”
Let’s break this down a minute, shall we? Is “The Hurricane Heist” about people who A) steal actual hurricanes, B) decide to pull off their “one last job” during a hurricane, C) perform their elaborate heists with the strength, speed, and veracity of a hurricane, or perhaps something even more delightfully tangential to hurricanes than those ideas (all of which I have already copyrighted, so don’t go getting any smart ideas, Hollywood titans.) Disappointingly, the film seems not to be about the hurricane-thieves at all, rather those good Samaritans who oppose them. Here’s the official synopsis:
Under the threat of a hurricane, opportunistic criminals infiltrate a US Mint facility to steal $600 million for the ultimate heist. When the hurricane blows up into a lethal CATEGORY 5 storm and their well-made plans go awry, they find themselves needing a vault code known only by one Treasury Agent (Maggie Grace), a need that turns murderous. But the Treasury agent has picked up an unlikely ally, a meteorologist (Toby Kebbell) terrified of hurricanes but determined to save his estranged brother kidnapped by the thieves. He uses his knowledge of the storm as a weapon to win in this non-stop action thriller ride charged with adrenaline throughout.
Starring Maggie Grace, Toby Kebbell and Ryan Kwanten, and directed by Rob Cohen (“The Fast and the Furious,” “xXx“), “The Hurricane Heist” opens on March 9th, and all I know is that I will be asking for my money back at the box office if not a single hurricane is stolen in this movie. [Collider]