Channel hopping today we came across an ad from Comcast touting that the upcoming Masters golf tournament was going to be broadcast in 3D for the three people on the planet who are already hooked up ready to go. We had to check the calendar to make sure it wasn’t April 1st because who in their right fucking mind wants to watch four hours of guys standing around finely manicured lawns hitting a ball in three dimensions. Seriously?
Anyway, this rant is going somewhere because Deadline revealed today that David “I insist you use my middle initial” R. Ellis is going to helm “Shark Night 3D” continuing the run of shitacular films in the format that by this point must be angering James Cameron to Incredible Hulk-like levels (though, in his case, he would be blue with rage, right?) In case you want to know what it’s about, just watch the trailer for the upcoming “Piranhas 3D” and substitute killer fish with killer sharks and that’s probably about right. Ellis recently helmed the 3D installment of the “Final Destination” franchise, so its firmly in his wheelhouse of crappy projects. Walt Conti, who created the oh-so believable animatronic animals for films like “Anaconda” and “Deep Blue Sea” (which has the best Samuel L. Jackson death scene ever) will be doing similar duties here.
The film will be shot in Louisiana this summer, and then released to numb our brains sometime next year.