Factoids straight in from the “things we’ll try and care about at some point” section of the internet: “Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides 3D” will boast, in addition to a horribly cumbersome title, a whole load of CG and Johnny Depp in glorious 3D SwaggerVision, a reprise by Keith Richards in his role as Jack Sparrow’s dad.
This nugget was buried in a Reuters article in Yahoo’s entertainment section, which was actually about Richards’ new autobiography that, from the sounds of it, you’d be advised to spend your time at home reading rather than suffering through “POTC4: OST3D”; in it he apparently details his long and sometimes troubled history with Jagger (aka Your Majesty, Brenda), includes anecdotes about famous types like John Lennon, and generally bars no holds in telling of his, by any standards, pretty exciting life. Sex! Drugs! Possibly even some rock ‘n’ roll! It sounds like a salacious good time, which brings us right back to ‘Pirates 4,’ which doesn’t.
Anyway, according to Collider, your first chance to see whether Rob Marshall has managed to steer this unwieldy vessel out of the turgid cinematic doldrums previous helmer Gore Verbinski abandoned it in (and the award for extended metaphor goes to…), will be this December before Disney’s other Great White Hope, “Tron: Legacy” (colons: so hot right now), which makes sense because they’re both in 3D so audiences will have their glasses at the ready.
After the completely underwhelming teaser shot for Comic Con, we’re sure they’ll go all out to whelm with this one, so expect flying fish, pieces of eight and Penelope Cruz’s bodiced boobies comin’ atcha. And for that sliver of our readership who may be more interested in ‘Pirates’ than in ‘Tron,’ it appears the trailer will also be released that day (Dec 17th) on the ol’ internet, so you can watch it online if you haven’t got school the next day and have done all your chores.