Ah, the marketing of Tom Cruise’s “Valkryie,” as directed by Bryan Singer. Look we know all films go through marketing to rate their appeal with audiences, but every story that comes out about this film just sounds reptilian and calculated. Sure, that’s exactly what marketing is probably like, but do we need to hear about it?
It sure doesn’t help the film, that’s for sure. It makes it sounds like the Church of Scientology calibrated the 1.21 gigawatts to make sure all our minds would be in order. Keep these stories to yourself!
Not to be. MGM talked to the New York Times where execs where nervously chewed their nails before watching the “Valkyrie” trailer unspool to audiences before “Quantum Of Solace” started.
Apparently it went off without a hitch and no audiences cackled when Tom Cruise came onscreen in a eye patch. MGM execs slumped to the floor in relief, a pool of sweat around them.
Apparently when “Valkyrie” was bumped out of Oscar season and then rescheduled back in, this rejiggering shook audiences faith in it (honestly, no one noticed or cared outside bloggers and film writing nerds).
“Let’s face it, there was a time when the movie wasn’t on track; it is now,” one person said who asked to be quoted anonymously for fear of incurring laser-beam eye alien wrath angering Mr. Cruise. The Times story goes way in-depth, but its making us a little queasy.
Vulture makes us laugh. An anonymous tipster tells today’s Times, as studio insiders claim they’re “successfully repositioning the film as a character-driven suspense thriller” instead of the “hilarious madcap Nazi comedy” that we always had it pegged for.
All we know is that “Valkyrie,” seemed decent in our minds until this story came out.