Coulson Lives In Lamest Way Possible In 'Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.'

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There’s been a lot of speculation as to how Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) would be brought back for the new ABC series set within the Marvel Universe, “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” The series, which is being spearheaded by “Avengers” director Joss Whedon, but has yet to get an official green light from the network, would revive the Coulson character, last seen with a giant fucking spear through his chest in “The Avengers,” and focus on the super-spy organization he works for. Well, details on how he will be resurrected have been revealed (supposedly) and a spoiler warning should be issued, along with a “prepared to be incredibly disappointed” warning.

According to Slashfilm, the pilot establishes that Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) faked Coulson’s death as an elaborate ruse to try and get the Avengers into action. (They are all superheroes, they probably would have defended the earth regardless.) Apparently, the Avengers “security clearance wasn’t high enough.” Fury secreted him away until the heat died down and as the series starts, Coulson is resuming his duties for S.H.I.E.L.D. Um. Okay.

As the Slashfilm report points out – it’s not exactly clear how Loki turning him into a kebab didn’t kill him for realz. The other thing is that wouldn’t the Avengers become really pissed off at both S.H.I.E.L.D. specifically and humanity in general for being conned into battle? It’s not like these guys aren’t super powerful and could do tons of damage.

But what’s most disappointing about this news (if indeed this does come to pass) is that it’s pretty much the least creative way to bring back this character that you could imagine. These are characters who have magical abilities and unlimited technology and Coulson is being brought back by a lie? Especially after the “Coulson Lives” fan movement that sprang up this past summer? Woof. We wouldn’t buy the second issue of that comic book.

An Agent Coulson-free “Iron Man 3” premieres this Friday.