Cyber horror, warning us about the dangerous ills of technology, isn’t particularly new, and can be even traced back to A.I. terrors in “Terminator,” “Blade Runner,” and films of that ilk, if not much further back. Kiyoshi Kurosawa‘s “Pulse” (2001) is arguably the landmark horror about the internet, and over the years, that’s evolved into the realm of social media with “Unfriended” and “Ratter.” Next up in in the genre of technology horror what’s largely become a gimmick without much substance is Apps and the idea that “there’s a smartphone app for that!”—meaning, an app for everything. In “Countdown,” it knows your exact time of death in a spooky app that counts down the days, hours, and seconds you have left to live. Our incessant attachment and over-reliance on smartphones and apps might be something worth exploring, but “Countdown” is simply one of the silliest, most ridiculous horror films of the year.
The “Countdown” premise is ludicrously simple. Unsuspecting people download an app that is supposed to tell them the exact moment they’ll die. And while no one believes the timeline presented, people start dying, and it appears that the Countdown app is actually deadly accurate. The threadbare basic plot is beyond banal, and “Countdown” writer-director Justin Dec clearly knows it can’t sustain a 90-minute feature, but he persists nonetheless.
“Countdown” centers on Quinn (Elizabeth Lail), a young woman, fresh out of her nursing internship at a hospital and ready to begin her career in the medical field. However, when she discovers the Countdown app, curiosity gets the better of her, and she finds out only has three days to live. From there, Quinn becomes besieged by visions of death and is desperate for help, leading her down a path that goes in such ridiculous directions, you’ll wonder if the script was written in Mad Libs fashion.
Filling the runtime with batshit crazy ideas meant to complicate the razor-thin premise, it’s absolutely amazing to see the lengths that the filmmaker goes to take such a straightforward (but nonsensical) story and the ludicrous twists will leave you with your jaw on the floor. One supposes mild kudos go to the filmmaker for including a surprise religious ritual conducted by a pot-smoking priest obsessed with demons or a subplot that takes #MeToo to a murderous conclusion. You probably won’t have that on your bingo card, but you also might just tear it up and leave midway through.
Predictable and hackneyed like a modern PG-13 horror film, such as “Truth or Dare” or “Ouija,” the second act, at least provides two entertaining characters. Cellphone store owner/hacker Derek, (stand-up comedian Tom Segura), brings much-needed humor and silliness to the hopelessly self-serious film. None of his conspiracy theory posits— the app could be coded in Latin and is possessed by a demon—make a lick of sense, but you’re too busy giggling to care.
But it’s the demon-obsessed priest, played with glorious goofiness by P.J. Byrne, that steals the show. Bryne is such a hilarious scene-stealer, you wonder why Dec didn’t just make this film a full-blown horror-comedy. “Countdown” could have been this year’s “Happy Death Day.” Instead, the humor is never fully embraced, and “Countdown” ditches all the fun in favor of an incredibly hamfisted #MeToo subplot.
Within this mess, there’s a decent message about workplace harassment in the third act, but it’s all a little too late. The tone switcheroo and rapid-fire plot twists of the final act will leave your eyes glazed over and your mind reminiscing about the fleeting good times with Segura and Byrne.
As must-have apps go, “Countdown” is completely inessential and adds absolutely nothing of value to the cautionary tale genre of technology horror. As the film not-so-eloquently points out, we’re all going to die at some point, and even if its 87 years from now, you still shouldn’t waste one-minute watching “Countdown.” [D]