We see a lot of films outside our wheelhouse out of obligation and simply to be aware of the cultural dialogue happening each week in movies, but more and more we’re starting to think this ideology is a fucking waste of our money, and more importantly, our time.
“Hancock,” was our first mistake and well, “Hellboy II: The Golden Army,” was basically our second of the summer. Don’t get us wrong, it wasn’t terrible by any means, it had one or two surprisingly tender emotional notes, the action was (mostly) respectable, and it was kind of fun, but basically, we kept tuning out and thinking, “Did we leave the stove on?,” and “Is this ever going to end?” “Does this movie have a point?” The film got generally strong reviews, but was mostly messy, nonsensical and woefully unnecessary. It’s not like we even had high expectations, but essentially if we never experienced it at all our lives would be no worse or better off.
To borrow a line from EW’s review, “the plot is really a fancy excuse for[director] Guillermo del Toro to keep forging his close encounters of the squirmy kind,” which is absolutely spot-on. The “story” is just a weak justification to put these large set-pieces and monsters into play, and for Ron Pearlman to spit out a cigar-chomping sarcastic line or two. It’s fine, it’s harmless, it’s not worth hating on, but we kind of want our two hours back. File under mindless semi-entertainment that’s mostly unnecessary. [B-]
Box-Office: It was number one at the box-office this weekend cause people like us were bored and needed something to do. No#1 by default basically though lots of people do seem to love this thing. No accounting for taste. We will say the use of the Eels “Beautiful Freak” and Barry Manilow’s “Can’t Smile Without You,” were cute touches, but yeah, that’s about it.
Listen: Barry Manilow – “Can’t Smile Without You”
Listen: The Eels – “Beautiful Freak”