Madonna To Remake 'Casablanca'; Set The Film In Iraq?

“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she has to try and remake mine.”

According to the London Telegraph, half of the tracks from career-opportunist Madonna’s upcoming album Hard Candy have already been licensed for commercials somewhere in the world. Millions have already been made from an album that doesn’t get officially released until April 28.

“It’s not about upfront payments; it’s about selling the product. She is a very smart businesswoman who wants to sell a lot of albums.” said John Reid, the president of Warner Music Europe and vice-chairman of Warner Music International. Yeah, no shit.

It gets worse. Remember her stellar movie career? Yeah, we don’t either cause it doesn’t exist. The rumour going around the mill is: Madonna is intent upon remaking one of the most indelible movies of all time “Casablanca”. Yes, that “Casablanca.” The Humphrey Bogart/Ingrid Bergman top ten on every critics’ list of greatest films ever made. Annnd, she wants to set it in Iraq. Good lord.

Apparently, “Madonna and her people are testing the waters to see if this is the right vehicle for her and if a major studio will get behind the project.”

Of course, Madge would attempt sink her “chops “into Bergman’s role, yikes. She has to be stopped. Boycott Hard Candy. And if that fails, at least we know even Madonna doesn’t have always even have the pull to get movies into theatres (iTunes release, anyone? see Playlist’s own story Panned Madonna Film Heading Straight To Video Download?). Though sometimes her muscles will help her husband D-list movies (see the belated and half-assed “Revolver” release).

Written by contributor Ryan Tidd