When the credits roll at the end of “Legend Of The Guardians” you might be surprised to see the credit ‘Directed By Zack Snyder.’ That’s right, the man behind “Watchmen” and “300” has made a 3D animated children’s film, and while the director is known for his highly stylized (if otherwise empty) work, none of that is in evidence here. Wheezing, lifeless and tagged with a ridiculously cumbersome title “Legend Of The Guardians: The Owls Of Ga’Hoole” we left the theater with little idea about what the Guardians or the Ga’Hooles exactly were and we’re pretty sure the kids in attendance at the screening were equally baffled.
Based on the novel by Kathryn Lasky, we can only presume it made more sense in her book than in the screenplay by John Orloff (“A Mighty Heart”) and Emil Stern (“The Life Before Her Eyes”). The film opens with our owl protagonist Soren (Jim Sturgess) playing with his younger sister Eglatine (Adrienne deFaria) as they enact the famous battle the supposedly ancient Guardians had against somebody-or-other. It doesn’t help that the entire cast of characters are given marble mouthed names (couldn’t Ezylryb been changed to, we dunno, Steve or something?) but having lead characters explain (more than once) the significance of their myth and history and none of it sticking or being remotely compelling, is a problem the film faces from the first frame and never quite recovers from.
At any rate, it doesn’t really matter. Soren and his brother Kludd (Ryan Kwanten) are kidnapped one day when they fall out of their tree while learning to fly, by the rogue owls of the nefarious The Pure Ones. Led by Metalbeak (Joel Edgerton) and his mate Nyra (Helen Mirren), The Pure Ones are enslaving owls and forcing them to mine through regurgitated mice to find “flecks” (that look like a cross between shrapnel and diamonds) which are being harvested to created some kind of mass owl-killing weapon that is never really explained how it works or what it does. And no, you didn’t read that wrong. A major plot element of the story involves barfed up mice (how this managed to get past everybody at Warner Bros. without any flags raised is kind of miraculous). At any rate, while Soren is made to endure indentured labor, his brother finds himself getting praise as a soldier and is soon moving up the ranks of The Pure Ones. Soren soon befriends Grimble (Hugo Weaving) a kindly librarian who teaches him and Gylfie (Emily Barclay) how to fly and eventually assists them in escaping. The duo hook up with Twilight (Anthony LaPaglia) and Digger (David Wenham) who help them find their way to Great Ga’Hoole Tree so they can get help to take down The Pure Ones. Needless to say the story at the beginning is recapped, the classic Cain and Abel-esque showdown is enacted and a whole bunch of birds go into one giant, climatic, feather filled battle.
Studios often arrange press screenings of children’s films with kids in attendance so we can see how it plays with the intended audience. Well, the kids we saw it with were as bored as we were. With jokes falling flat and endless exposition drawing both adults and kids into a stoic silence, it was only the film’s admittedly beautiful animation (shoved in our faces via 3D) that kept our interest. One can’t argue that “Legends Of The Guardian” doesn’t look good, and even Zack Snyder breaks out of his anonymous work behind the camera towards the end of the film to take a couple shots in the battle scenes and give them his sort of trademark slow-motion treatment. And of course, the barn door is left wide open should there be a sequel.
But the late stage heroics aren’t enough to save the film. Try as it might, “Legends Of The Guardians” simply can’t establish a mythology that’s easily coherent or even compelling. Though we suppose we shouldn’t be surprised. This film is actually the first three books of Lansky’s fifteen-strong series put into one ninety-minute film and it really shows. In an era when studios are upping their game in the animation department with original stories and unique characters, “Legends Of The Guardians” feels like a creaky relic. Everything about the project feels rote and uninspired, right down to the hire of Owl City to write the film’s theme song (we’re pretty sure if he was called Horse Town, he wouldn’t have gotten the gig). While Warner Bros. is banking on a dearth of children-geared product in theaters right now to drive ticket sales, we’d advise parents to pocket their cash and save their sanity instead of trying to drag the little ones out to see this one. [C-]