Let’s just get this out of the way: “The Losers” is pretty much “The A-Team” in different clothing. Both films concern special ops groups who are betrayed by their country and who have to fight and blow shit up to clear their names. We didn’t read the graphic novel so if you’re looking for some kind of in depth comparison you’re not going to find it here. We went into the film hoping it wouldn’t be the train wreck the trailer seemed to indicate, and we’re pleased to report that while the film is as dumb as ton of bricks, it’s also very often fun and funny.
The “plot,” which is really no more elaborate than your standard run-of-the-mill video game in which you have to kill a lot of dudes to get to the main dude, starts us off by dropping us in the middle of a Bolivian mission by the special ops team. They’re there to take down a drug lord and at first, have to do little more than secure the perimeter while an air squad will come in and bomb the hell out of the compound where the target operates. However, when they discover children are there, the Losers try to call off the mission but are ignored by their handler, Max (Jason Patric). With only eights minutes to spare (of course) they manage to crash the gates of the compound, kill all the guards, round up all the children and ferry them to safety on a school bus which just handily happens to be standing by unattended just as the air squad blows the area to smithereens. Being the good dudes that they are, they put the children on the helicopter that was meant to ferry them out only to find it get blown to smithereens by a missile. The Losers quickly figure out they were the intended targets, were framed for the murder of the the children, and throw to their dog tags into the wreckage to fake their death and then (in case you thought we were spoiling anything) the opening credits roll.
While stuck in Bolivia, working odd jobs to try and raise money to buy some bogus passports to get back home, they run into Aisha (Zoe Saldana) who makes them an offer they can’t resist: she will bankroll and finance their way back home and in exchange, the Losers must agree to kill Max. The crew, in what looks like a win-win situation agrees, but of course nothing ever goes as planned. There are a handful of twists along the way, which frankly aren’t all that surprising, that lead up to an inevitable, firepower heavy finale.
Like the headline says, the movie is half fun, thanks largely to some cast members and you can probably guess already who they are. Chris Evans, who will probably play his last ensemble comic book role with this movie, is not surprisingly one of the best things about the film. He has his smarmy, witty, smartalecky jock schtick down to a science and you know what? He’s good at it. If he can carry over his insouciant charm to “Captain America,” he could very easily be finding himself in Robert Downey Jr. territory. Jason Patric loves every second playing the baddie Max, and walks away some of the best one liners in the film. Fully aware he’s in a b-picture, Patric fully embraces the amoral sleazebag that his character is. He’s terrific to watch. Lastly, Zoe Saldana may find herself at the top of the list for female action roles after her turn here. Sexy, and commanding terrific presence and strength, she makes the most of what could have so easily been a throwaway role.
Sadly, when these actors are not the focus of the film, the energy kind of drains out of the picture. The other Losers –Idris Elba, Columbus Short and Oscar Jaenada — aren’t really given much to do. Elba scowls his way through the picture, Short gets a couple quips here and there but is fairly forgettable while Jaenada hardly speaks at all, and when he does, its easy to see why he only got a few lines of dialogue. As for Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the leader of the pack, he’s fine if just not very interesting. Any gravelly voiced actor with a solid build could’ve been slotted in to similar effect.
But, again, like we said in our headline, the film is half dumb often to the point of distraction. The first problem with the film is that it’s saddled with a plot hole big enough to drive a truck through. If Max is working for the U.S. government, why doesn’t he ever tell the CIA or FBI or whoever that the Losers aren’t actually dead and have them chase them down? After all, alive they would be wanted fugitives. And this leads to the other problem in that Max’s relationship with the government is never really clearly defined. Moreover, his (vaguely outlined) master plan to start a terrorist war by detonating some kind of sonic something-or-other in Los Angeles never gets close enough to actually happening for any real stakes to be involved. A lot of much is the Losers running from plot-point to plot-point (often with ear drum shattering and generic rock music) making some quips along the way. And while its fun for a while, by the end its slightly tiresome.
Naturally, the film leaves the door so wide open for a sequel the ending of the film is disappointing and certainly unsatisfying. But that said, director Sylvain White (“Stomp The Yard”) keeps things moving (and yes, that is very faint praise) while the aforementioned cast members keep things amusing enough that the film is a pleasant enough time waster. This writer found “The Losers” gleeful abandon far more engaging than “Kick-Ass,” though we still can’t quite recommend it. While better than expected, and featuring half a cast that make the film tolerable to sit through, the film isn’t worth your opening weekend dollar, but as a Tuesday half-price popcorn muncher, you could do far worse. [C+]