Amidst all the ear-splitting explosions, flying tanks, and gratuitous shots of Bradley Cooper’s abs (someone up there likes me), there’s a story somewhere in “The A-Team.” But discovering it — and any sense of logic — is as difficult as finding a bespectacled, be-striped Waldo on the Fourth of July. Yes, there’s a silly plot about a team of four renegade, wrongly disgraced Special Forces soldiers who have to use all their skills to track down a set of printing plates for $100 bills while they try to clear their names, but that’s not really the point.
Even if you can’t concede that “The A-Team” is a good film (it’s not), the movie will give you a B.A. Baracus-approved beating to ensure that you have a good time (you will). It’s brash and brainless, but it’s tough not to giggle at the jokes and stare slack-jawed at some of the more epic set pieces. For those who accuse director Joe Carnahan (“Smokin’ Aces”) of killing your childhood by taking the beloved Stephen J. Cannell ’80s TV series and turning it into this movie, there are more blame-worthy directors to target: namely Stephen Sommers (“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”) and Michael Bay (“Transformers”).
Carnahan — along with editor Jim May and D.P. Mauro Fiore — isn’t subtle, but the filmmaker does have a style. This isn’t your average, aimless action pic, which is content to show you explosions and fistfights. The editing is fast enough to give you whiplash, and the close-ups shove you into the actors faces. The film is hyper-violent in a way that only a PG-13 movie can be, quickly cutting away from what could be too much for the MPAA to another shot of destruction. Alan Silvestri’s score serves as a clue for the quality of the scene. If there are strings and would-be-serious dialogue, prepare for eye-rolling. Bad electric guitar wails mean action, which translates to fun here.
The script is rumored to have come from 11 different writers, and it shows. Logic got lost in the many drafts, leaving a screenplay that moves at lightning speed, praying you’ll be too dazed to notice its glaring flaws. The film constantly flashes back to something that just happened, restating the obvious while it skims over the relevant details. The story begins before The A-Team has solidified, but the four members quickly move into their roles. All are ex-Rangers, and this bond draws them together.
Col. John “Hannibal” Smith (Liam Neeson) is the man with the plan (the dialogue will remind you of this, and if you drink every time the word “plan” is mentioned, you will be drunk enough to really enjoy the movie). Lt. “Faceman” Smith (Cooper) can fight and plot, but he mostly looks pretty (very pretty) and gets himself into trouble with women. The group’s muscle is B.A. Baracus (UFC fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson taking over the famed Mr. T role), who may be big, but he hates to fly. Finally, there’s Captain Murdock (Sharlto Copley), the half-mad (at least) helicopter pilot.
Faceman’s ex-girlfriend Captain Charisa Sosa (Jessica Biel, who is forced to say worse dialogue than she did on “7th Heaven”) tails them as they try to recover the stolen plates and their good names. Meanwhile, a shady CIA agent (Patrick Wilson) feeds them clues in their quest, but his true motives are hidden, or at least they’re supposed to be.
There are some fun nods to the original series, but the film works for those who haven’t seen a single episode. With the exception of an embarrassingly bad climax that looks like it was made using Legos, the special effects and action sequences are solid, even though they’re enjoyably silly. However, it’s oddly the cast that ultimately makes this work. Liam Neeson really knows how to chew a cigar — and a bit of scenery — but it’s perfect casting. We buy him as the brains of the operation, and Jackson works as the brawn. He won’t be the next Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, but he’s funny enough and unsurprisingly convincing in his fight scenes.
Gone are the days when Cooper was best known for playing nice on “Alias;” now he’s the douchebag in films such as “The Hangover” and “Wedding Crashers.” Faceman is deservedly vain, but Cooper is charming (particularly since he’s not a real person). However, the performance that people should be talking about is Copley’s crazy Murdock. Like Dwight Schultz on the TV series before him, he’s delightfully unhinged. The other actors get some good (and cheesy) lines, but Copley steals the show, just as he did in his first real role in last year’s “District 9.” It’s early, but he’s proving himself to be one of the most talented newcomers in film. He feels authentic in each facet of his two roles, and he almost singlehandedly makes “A-Team” worth watching.
“The A-Team” is like the cinematic equivalent of cheap tequila. You’re a few brain cells shy when you’re finished, and you’ve got one hell of a headache, but it was fun while it lasted. [B-]